Firefly Episode 5: So River Is Now a Witch? Part 2

Simon and River are captured because a town on the planet lacks a doctor. But then things take an occult turn…

As I mentioned in the first part of this review of Episode 5, we stumble through a series of contrivances to get Simon and River kidnapped. Mal and his crew continue to make baffling choices. They decide to leave Simon and River behind. Mal essentially says that they were stupid enough to get themselves caught, so they are on their own.

This is baffling because Mal’s driving force is worry about his crew, and he’s long since made it clear that he considers Simon and River to be part of his crew. Because he was the one who had told them to take a hike, one would think that he’d feel some sort of responsibility for their predicament. But he doesn’t.

It could be argued that the reason they all left so quickly was that the Shepherd had been shot by a laser gun which fired bullets… I think. I am still trying to understand the weaponry here.

But wait, Simon is a doctor. Considering the fact that they have a giant ship, one would think that if they moved quickly and flew over the area, they could hypothetically find the doctor and his sister before they disappeared into the wilderness.They could find aid for the Shephard faster by getting their doctor back than by crossing the galaxy just to find medical help. These details are never addressed. The most we get is a brief lamentation by Kaylee, the ship’s engineer, who felt bad for leaving Simon alone in the first place. This is the only instance of character consistency in the entire episode.

Eventually, the crew decides to land on an Alliance ship and ask for help. At first, the Alliance personnel refuse, but after seeing the Shepherd’s identification card, they rush him in for treatment. This implies that the Shepherd has a shady past, and it is nicely done.

Meanwhile, Simon and River are taken to a small village where, wonder of wonders, they need a doctor. Now how did the kidnappers know that the Firefly’s crew had a doctor in the first place? Don’t know! And what are the chances that such nefarious characters would secretly have a heart of gold and turn from a life of crime just to find medical treatment? Unlikely!

And here’s the clincher: There’s no particular plague or illness infecting the town, forcing the people to take extraordinary measures. The show literally says, “Sometimes you just need a doctor.”

Now, I know these people are supposed to be primitive. But, you mean to tell me that there is so little medical infrastructure on this planet that small town residents are forced to kidnap random people from other planets in the hope that they might find someone with basic medical knowledge? Why didn’t the writers just have the townsfolk scream Ooga! Booga! after every sentence? They have fancy china, laser guns that shoot bullets, post hole diggers and tools for fencing, but no one who knows how to treat a common cold? Consider my suspension of disbelief shattered.

Anyway, Simon helps these poor derelicts by telling them to keep their bandages clean while River runs across a mute girl. We get more serene nonsense until River approaches one of the women helping Simon and recounts the girl’s tragic story. There are a couple things going on here at once, so we’re going to take a moment to break it all down:

First: River went through some kind of trauma. We don’t know what happened exactly, but we do know she’s really smart, and the Alliance was trying to use that. We’ve seen her copy other people’s accents, and she has moments of lucidity in which she usually says something profound. She likes cows and is in awe of the world around her. Now, we’re introduced to psychic powers… maybe. All we know is that she didn’t actually speak with the girl because, River says, the girl’s voice got scared away. Yet she knows the story. River’s list of abilities seems to be growing, and to be fair, we’re still learning about her. But I get the sense that this promising plot point is never going to be mentioned again.

Second: A woman instantly claims that River is a witch. I’m not kidding, a witch. Now, let’s assume the woman is as superstitious as the show wants us to believe. Fine. But let’s also remember that there are other factors in play. Number one: This planet is apparently devoid of doctors. Perhaps, it would be wise to think twice about screaming the word witch, potentially scaring the doctor and his sister away. Number two: River just did something good, communicating and thereby potentially helping to rehabilitate the mute girl. Even if one believes in witches, it’s hard to imagine that a religion which is terrified of witches would also believe the witches could do good. If one is willing to burn a witch, one might also infer that there is no good inside said witch, which is why she deserves to roast. Perhaps, some second thoughts are warranted.

But of course, the woman does not hesitate. In response, Simon stutters like an idiot, failing to realize that he is the only doctor on the planet and that his sister helped an innocent child. The woman shrieks once again that his sister is a witch and scrambles off into the night.

The townspeople gather and then something even more bizarre happens. The town leader asks what’s going on — and River proceeds to tell everyone that he had murdered the previous town leader to gain his position of authority. The leader responds by slapping her across the face.

Hang on. The townspeople just heard River tell a man’s dark secret and he responded as if to imply his guilt. They believe she is a witch, so the revelation must be true, and he all but confirmed it by slapping her! Shouldn’t there be two burnings? I’m confused. Is witchcraft bad but murder just one of those things? Kidnapping is okay, so maybe.

It looks like the end for the doctor and his sister, but Mal and the crew return just then, the ship hovering over the camp to rescue them. Mal has just recently remembered that Simon and River are a part of his crew.

It’s a cool scene with some nice dialog but, like everything else, it makes no sense. Mal might have done a flyby to find the Doctor and his sister when they were first kidnapped because they weren’t too far away. But hours, perhaps days, have passed since then, so the crew should’ve had no idea where to look. So, how did they find them?

Turns out it’s okay. Our heroes escape, and we’re left with a happy ending — and lots of questions.